How do you manipulate yourself into getting shit done! Well, you’ve come to the right place! I have listed a bunch of tactics which I learned from having been manipulated by someone who “loved me” my entire life!
You can start using these immediately to motivate yourself in a manipulative way to increase your motivation and accomplish more in your life! Here we go!
How do you bribe yourself? The same way you bribe a little kid. You tell yourself “what you can have once you complete what it is you said you’d do!”
Example: If you clean the house today, you can go to the movies with your friends!
The trick to this is never to break the agreement you have with yourself. If you want to go to the movies with your friend (or whatever) then you have to do what you said you’d do.
If you consider having a tantrum and kicking and screaming to get out of this agreement…please video it and send it to us so we can post it on our YouTube channel.
Act Like the Victim
A manipulators first line of attack: Poor you. You have something to do that you are not motivated to do and nobody cares. While you are moaning and groaning about having to do whatever it is that you don’t want to do – do it!
This is shitty advice. Moaning and groaning will only make whatever you are doing worse than it is. However, it will get done. Perhaps next time you won’t be “Pouty Patty” about it? (if your name is Patty, I apologize)
Act Like You Are The Only Person That Can Do It Right
Tell yourself that you are “really good” at (insert task here) and that nobody else does it so well! Be sure to smile at yourself in the mirror when you are saying this so you will feel the emotion of manipulation staring back at you. If nothing else, this should cheer you up a little bit and have you skipping off to complete the task in no time!
You Probably Know Yourself Pretty Well
Disclaimer: You might need a psychotherapist after you try this. Please be careful with this one!
If you know yourself pretty well, and I assume you do, I suggest you take an acting class or two. You are going to need to learn how to master your emotions and make yourself understand “how you are feeling” to trick yourself into getting off the couch. Taking an acting class is a great way to master the power of persuasion! It just might do the trick (or end you up in a mental institution)
If you are thinking of all the reasons why you “don’t want to do something,” come up with all the reasons you should do it! Use your acting abilities in the previous suggestion to temper your emotions and persuade yourself that the “you are the one to listen to!” Sometimes weighing the good against the bad is all you need!
If you really want to know how to manipulate yourself into getting shit done, be sure to be charismatic! You are more likely to buy into the bullshit you are feeding yourself if you are a “bundle of joy” about it. Being charismatic is a skill you need to master if you are going to manipulate yourself (or others for that matter)
Hang Out With Manipulators
If you are going to learn the tricks of the trade, you need to hang out with the “pros.” Be sure to keep your integrity in check. Learning how to manipulate people so you can manipulate yourself is one thing – don’t ever use these tactics on other people!
A Super Way To Manipulate Yourself
One of the many tactics you can use on yourself is this: Make an unusual request before you make the real one! This is a good one! It will make the “real request” not seem so terrible.
- You have to clean the kitchen and empty all the draws and cabinets and organize everything.
- On second thought, how about just doing the dishes?
This is a manipulator’s secret weapon and it works!
Make Yourself Feel Terrible
Well, maybe not terrible, but at least guilty. If you don’t complete (insert task here) then lay on a serious guilt trip with yourself. You will not want to feel that way (having a guilt trip put on you sucks) and you will most likely complete the task right away!
If By Chance None Of This Works
Be sure to blame someone else. Manipulators never take the blame and can go on and on explaining why it isn’t their fault! Blaming someone else to yourself is probably not going to work either – but, you can try it!
How To Manipulate Yourself Into Getting Shit Done
Here is a better idea: Stop being lazy. Stop making excuses. Stop moaning and groaning. Stop whining and get your shit done!