Dealing with People that Don’t like you can be so much fun. There’s an old saying: Arguing with fools will just prove there are two!
If you know there is a reason for people not to like you, (or, a specific person) you need to work on that. Being around people who you don’t get along with is not healthy. Sometimes, we are forced to be around these people (at work for example).
If you pride yourself on “speaking your mind,” and consider your brashness a “positive characteristic”, we want you to know, it isn’t.
Constantly looking for opportunities to “prove you are not scared of confrontation” and opportunities for you to “speak your mind” is not something to be proud of (most people who are like this are very proud to be this way).
If you are this person, then you know there are people who don’t like you. You are probably saying to yourself right now, “I don’t like them either.”
It is OK not to like someone. However, if “you are the reason” causing them not to like you, it isn’t “just” to “not like them” because of it…is it?
If people talk behind your back, we tend to get upset (rightfully so). We need to stop and ask ourselves “why they are doing that?” Why are people talking behind my back? Why do some people seem “not to like you?”
We need to evaluate ourselves (but, it’s them….is it?)
We need to be sure the reason the person doesn’t like us is not because of us. This way, we can truly dismiss them as “unhappy people that we have no control over.” They are out there!
However, if we are causing people not to like us by our actions, then we are that person that is “out there” …..and who wants to be that person?
The first thing we must do when evaluating why we don’t get along with someone else is to evaluate ourselves. Is there something we have done (or are doing) that we can change to become a better person?
We say, “a better person” because being a “better person” means you don’t have time to make people angry and be upset …you are too busy being a “better person.”
Ask yourself these questions:
- What have I done to this person that doesn’t like me?
- What am I doing to this person that doesn’t like me?
- Am I the reason this person doesn’t like me?
- What can I do to rectify this situation?
- Do I need to apologize for something?
- Is communication between this person and I causing a problem?
- Is it me and what can I do if it is?
Asking yourself these questions shifts you into an empathetic state – being considerate of other’s feelings and being able to see things from their perspective.
Powerful people can “put themselves in other people’s shoes” so they can see “both sides of the coin”.
Evaluate yourself and try to correct the situation (if it’s something you can control)
If it is clearly not you (and don’t lie to yourself about this) then, there may not be anything you can do about it…. besides accept it. Before accepting a situation that make you unhappy….
- Try talking with the person and asking them how they feel about you.
- Ask them several times because they are likely “not to have a problem with you when you ask them”
- Ask them a few times until they open up and reveal the underlying issue. Perhaps it is something stupid that happened 3 years ago that was never resolved?
Whatever it is, you need to know about it, so you can acknowledge it and put it behind you.
This is going to take confrontation (ugh)
- Yes, you will have to walk up to them and ask them if you can speak with them in private.
- Yes, you might not be good at this, but the alternative is to keep hating this person…and that only hurts you.
So, let’s ease the word confrontation. Confrontation doesn’t have to be negative. So, don’t make it!
- Got to this person on a day where you are overly upbeat and not upset at all.
- Do not go to them immediately after they pushed your button…. got it?
- You want to be calm and open for this conversation.
- You want to listen to them.
- You want to ask them “the question” and then you want to shut your mouth and listen”.
Then, listen…listen…. listen.
You are on an informational quest to find out “what is wrong between the both of you” not on an “I am right, and you are wrong” mission.
At the very least, you will have opened a line of communication between each other and they will be less likely to “act the way they have been acting” because you “called them on it” ….(nicely called them on it, or you will have made it worse)
Perhaps the issue is not you and they don’t want to “make things right” between you. What do you do then?
- Refuse to engage with them – in a negative manner.
- Ignore them.
- Do not talk about them with your “support group” or coworkers
- Completely refuse to acknowledge their behavior.
Reliving their “misdeeds” with people you know only breathes life into their ugliness.
- Keep in mind that you can only change yourself – not others.
- Keep in mind that you cannot control other people’s actions, you can only control how you respond (or don’t respond) to those actions.